It has been quite a while since I or David sat down to write
a blog entry. As you can see from the length of this article, I have made up
for lost time. David recently suggested that I sit down and write something.
Since a writer writes what he knows and right now all I know is how frustrated I
am at our current situation. Yes, frustrated, I admit it; although I think
David and my children already know this! Why am I frustrated? On Monday (4 days
ago) I had a pretty bad fall while I was jogging. I have been running since I
was 12 and running in the same place for 4 years. I have never had an accident,
ever, until Monday. And it just so happened that I was running downhill when my
ankle randomly gave out and I went skidding down a paved road on my hands, knees,
and elbow. I was taken to the hospital
and my wounds cleaned and bandaged; x-rays concluded nothing broken or
fractured. So, here I am on the couch unable to do much with my hands (lift,
clean, or move anything) and unable to walk without limping and wincing from
the pain. And of course, there is a serious need that needs David’s immediate
attention concerning our orphanage in Kenya which means he has to be at his
computer communicating with people and informing everyone of this need (see
your e-mail newsletter for details). BUT, because of my injuries David is
having to clean, cook, help with the children, run errands all the while trying
to keep the orphanage building from being repossessed by the bank. Talk about having too many pots to stir at
once!
So, you say, what’s my point of all this? As I was in the
shower getting my wounds cleaned out, I had something dawn on me. Sin (before
it happens, during the act, and experiencing the consequences of it) can be
kind of compared to my accident. Allow me to elaborate:
As I already shared I am an experienced runner. Picture
this, it was a bright clear Monday morning and I was excited to have my “mommy
time” and listen to good upbeat music and go for a good run. I had just run up
my hill and was preparing to go downhill. I was enjoying the wind and sun on my
face when all of a sudden before I could even react, I felt my ankle turn out
and my hands go out to brace for my fall…pause that image.
Now, for most
seasoned Christians we do not go looking for opportunities to sin. We have
overcome many immature troubles and temptations in the past and feel like
certain sins (an affair, pornographic viewing, lust, addiction to prescription meds,
a drinking problem, gambling addiction, gossip, gluttony, constant bitterness
and anger, addiction to anything harmful etc etc etc) are beyond our realm of
even being possible to happen. But, there comes a day when we least expect it,
that a sin of some kind trips us and we find ourselves falling.
Even though my fall only took seconds to happen, I am amazed
that when I remember it I can recall thinking about what was taking place:
denial it was happening, “What is going on?! How did this happen?” Fighting
against the momentum of my downward fall, “I gotta stop falling; have to stop,
ouch ouch ouch!” Then finally thinking, “Oh
my gracious, this is really bad. I can’t believe this is happening!”
When we have found ourselves in the midst of this unexpected
sin we might deny that it’s happening at first. Then as it continues to happen
we realize what we’re doing and we try to stop it from continuing; we fight the
momentum of sin so that it doesn’t continue. Then finally it is finished and we
accept that it’s happened and we look down at our bloodied selves and think, “Oh
my gracious, this is really bad! I can’t believe this has happened!”
As I sat on the road crying, I tried to get up myself but I
couldn’t. My palms were shredded so I couldn’t use them to push myself up. My
legs and knees were stiff, bleeding, and in incredible pain. I sat there crying
and bleeding and looked around for help. There was no one. So, I tried to
figure out what to do on my own. But all I could do was sit there and cry and
bleed. Then a black SUV pulled onto the street and stopped next to me. It was
an older man with a kind face who was some type of policeman (somehow in the
midst of everything I noticed mace, a gun, and a knife strapped to his person,
go figure!), he knelt down in front of me took my wrists and spoke softly, “Calmete
calmete calmete” (translation, calm down). I managed to calm down surprisingly
and he asked a few simple questions in Spanish to which I was able to process,
translate into English, and respond with a shake of the head yes or no. Then he
said something I didn’t understand and I said, “I’m sorry I don’t understand”.
He smiled and began speaking in broken English. He helped me up, put me in his
car, and drove me down the hill to the parking lot where my car was parked. He
was hesitant to leave but I told him I was alright to drive (yeah, right! I
just didn’t want to bother David who was in the middle of cooking breakfast and
taking care of the 3 kids by himself. And for some reason I though my bloody
shredded palms would allow me to operate a vehicle). I got in my car, whimpering and bleeding, and
pulled away slowly. I didn’t get far down the road before I accepted the
glaring fact that I could not drive the 5 miles home with bloody hands and
searing pain. So I called David and he quickly morphed into Superman flying to
my rescue! Pause narrative.
After we have come to realize the gravity of our sin and
what we’ve done, we begin examining our situation and try to think of a way
out. Maybe we’ll look around for help and find no one or maybe we’ll try to fix
it and get out on our own. Rarely do Christians escape a sin on their own
strength. Most times sin has us too cornered or damaged that there is no “pull
yourself up by your bootstraps” strength left. God has created us to “need”. We
were not put on this earth to be away from Him or one another. We “need” the Holy
Spirits strength every day and we need fellow believers too. The good Samaritan who seen me fall and
stopped to help is like how God has blessed us with the Holy Spirit and/or
fellow believers to be there for us, to help us get up and get us where we need
to be. Although, sometimes we can still be stubborn and think we can finish
getting ourselves out of our sticky situation flying solo. We typically don’t make
it too far before we realize how debilitated we still are and we call upon a
rescuer. Our rescuer gets us the help we
need which is only found in God’s healing touch and abundant forgiveness.
David realized my wounds were severe enough that I might
need stitches. So he took me to the ER. I was allowed in immediately and a Dr.
came to asses and clean my wounds. It hurt! I had to sit there, not pull away
and submit to more pain as 7 different areas were cleansed of road debris,
dried blood, and skin then were sanitized and re-bandaged. The pain continued
as I was getting x-rayed and ultimately 3 shots (no stitches thankfully!). We were there I think for about 3 hours. I
came home and slept for another 3 hours. Every day David and I go through the
painful procedure of cleaning my wounds and re-bandaging them. Then I hobble
around and try to do small jobs to help out David. I can’t do many things yet;
can’t scrub dishes, I can’t carry Joannah around, I can’t exercise at all on
any level, I can’t drive and the list of things goes on inevitably ending up in
frustration and yes, maybe even in a bit of self-pity. The only real thing I
can control is my attitude, which stinks at the moment!
I do get better a
smidge every day and find it interesting how my wounds have progressively
healed more each time I take off the bandage (I have always marveled at how God
made our bodies to heal!). The healing process is slow and tedious and it has
had an impact on our family and has dictated what our activities can and can’t
be for the time being. I know it’s only temporary but it’s hard to be patient;
I want to press the FF button and be able to have my freedom back. And oh boy,
when that day comes how relieved and excited will I and David be!
In order for sin to be eradicated from our lives it takes
God’s healing and forgiveness, although it doesn’t come without pain and
consequences. It hurts when God scrubs the sin away and the consequences of living
with the repercussions of that sin every day is not fun for ourselves or for
those around us. It puts a damper on what we do and what others have to do to
help us. The people in our lives have to deal with the consequences too of our
sin even though they didn’t commit the act. Recovering and healing from sin isn’t
fun and it can be damaging and the process might leave scars on us and/or those
around us. But after the damage from sin has healed, the wounds are no longer
fresh, and we have regained our strength, we are able to put the past behind
us, get up from the couch, and continue to run the race towards our prize in
Heaven. Halleluiah, thank God that we
are no longer bound to the law of sin and death and it cannot hold us down any
longer! Freedom from sin through Christs sacrifice is such a freeing gift.
As I close this article, I would implore my fellow believers
to be on guard, to be alert whether night or day to the snares of sin and the
temptations of the devil who never sleeps and is always looking for a way to
trip believers in their run for the Lord. It was my pride and ego that caused
me to believe I was above a trivial act of tripping and falling; I was too
seasoned of a runner to trip, how silly to even think it would happen (do I
dare to admit that I have even scoffed at David when he would encourage me to
pick a different route due to safety concerns, whoops!). Well, Christian reader, SIN CAN HAPPEN! The
Bible repeatedly warns us directly and through parables that we should always
be on guard and never fall asleep. Each day arm yourself with the armor of God,
which is why it’s there, to protect us, but in order for Gods armor to work, we
have to put it on. Armor doesn’t protect us if it’s in our closet. We have to
choose to put it on and stand ready. So, today are you awake and ready to stand
firm? Or have you forgotten where your armor is?
Your fellow runner in life’s race,
~Heather~
