Have you seen this diagram yet? According to facebook it has been shared 7,000 times from just one person's profile and there is little doubt many others have shared it as well, just as I have done here. I have seen it shared many times by various people in the last couple days. The illustration is a good one for starting conversation, and that is always a good thing. It is also over simplified like most illustrations are and therein lies the opportunities for confusion and distortion of what the Bible does say about the family and the roles we have in marriage. I did not make the chart and since it is not given there is no real way to know what passages of scripture the person had in mind if any when creating this illustration. All too often in our day and age Christians have abandoned the word of God for Christianized verbiage or generalized assumed teachings of God without the actual word of God present. Without any scripture present in the illustration the viewer is left to, "fill in the blanks" and this is always a recipe for disaster. I do not know if that was the case when this was originally created. Perhaps there is a study associated with the illustration, perhaps there were verses to the side that have since been cut off. This is all that I have seen each time it has been shared. The best thing to do at this point is to view the umbrellas and words given in this illustration in light of scripture.
Jesus Christ the top and largest umbrella for which the others are beneath:
1 Cor. 11:3 says the following: "However, I want you to realize that Christ has authority over every man, a husband has authority over his wife, and God has authority over Christ." Although this passage is primarily dealing with the roles of husbands and wives in the church Paul uses this theme throughout his writings both in the church and in the home as often the church and the home were the same place.
We also see this three tiered structure of authority again in Ephesians 5: 22-24: "Wives, place yourselves under your husbands’ authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord’s authority. The husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It is his body, and he is its Savior. As the church is under Christ’s authority, so wives are under their husbands’ authority in everything. " We could look at several other passages but there is no need to spend more time here than necessary. We have already seen that in these passages we see that Christ is to be the head or final authority in the family. We also see that the husband is the head of the wife.
The husband, the second umbrella comes with two (what are assumed to be) responsibilities.
As we have already discussed above the wife is under the husband's authority in the family there is no need to revisit that now; what we do want to look at is what is assumed to be the responsibility of the husband towards his wife and children. A brief look at the chart and the word of God shows that the chart does not give a complete and accurate illustration of these responsibilities. Does the Bible say that the husband is to protect and also provide for the family? Well let us look and see what the Word of God does say about the responsibilities of the husband
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
(Eph. 5:25-33)
Concerning Protection:
The illustration does not indicate whether "protect family" is physical protection, spiritual protection or both. As we look at the scriptures we see that the husband as stated in vs 25 is to be willing to lay down his life for his wife just as Christ was willing to lay down his life for the church. Throughout the New Testament we always see the comparison of Christ and the church with the husband and his wife. All that Christ has done for his church the husband is expected to do for his wife this includes being willing to lay down his life for the sake of his wife. We also see in vs 26 the responsibility to also provide spiritual protection. The husband is to wash his wife in the word of God just as Christ did for the church so that he can be able to present her to God without spot or blemish. The husband is to protect his wife not only physically but spiritually as well.
Concerning Provision:
"He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body," Here we do see the responsibility of the husband to provide or feed and care for his wife just as he would his own body. The husband must make sure that the needs of his wife are met just as his own needs are met. If he loves his wife he loves himself.
A few problems with this simplified illustration of the family:
At this point we see one of the first glaring problems with this illustration of umbrellas. Just as we abide in Christ and he in us so to the husband and wife have become one. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
The husband and wife are now "one flesh" and as one flesh they are to be working together for the same goals with the unique gifts each has been given from the Lord both in the family and in the church. The illustration can be seen to demonstrate some of the dynamics of the family but it also does not demonstrate well that: Christ, the husband, and the wife abide as one.
The illustration fails to demonstrate mutual submission.
Although we have looked at Eph. 5:22-33 already we have not yet looked at vs 21 until now. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" it is no accident that vs 21 that states that the husband and wife are to mutually submit to one another out of reverence to Christ comes first in this passage. Without this mutual submission out of reverence for Christ there can be no peace in the family. "Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." Gen 3:16 Because of the curse there is a struggle that takes place in each family that is not mutually submitting to one another in reverence for Christ and that struggle is who will lead in the home. We see this in wives who use manipulations to get what they want and husbands who are bullish and overbearing with their wives. This is why God says the following to the wives and husbands of the church:
"In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live when they observe your pure, reverent lives. Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes. Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes. For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also beautified themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children when you do what is good and are not frightened by anything alarming. Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives with an understanding of their weaker nature yet showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." (1 Peter :31-7)
Mutual submission and love toward one another in reverence to Christ is paramount to obtain the type of marriage God desires.
The illustration fails to demonstrate the mutual responsibility of the husband and the wife to provide for the physical and spiritual needs of the children as they grow into adults.
1. Providing for the physical needs of the home:
The illustration does not demonstrate the full council of God's word concerning how the family is to be provided for. It is often assumed that the main responsibility for provisions for the home is to come through the efforts of the husband and is dismissive of those efforts of the wife. The Bible however gives many examples of wives who helped to provide for the needs of the home. The most commonly recognized passages concerning the wife's efforts in providing for her home come from Proverbs 31. I will not quote the whole passage but here are a few well known ones.
"How hard it is to find a capable wife! She is worth far more than jewels! Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor. As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm. She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth. She brings home food from out-of-the-way places, as merchant ships do." (Pro 31:10-14)
"She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard. She is a hard worker, strong and industrious." (Pro 31:16-17)
"She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future. She speaks with a gentle wisdom. She is always busy and looks after her family's needs. Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her. " (Pro 31:25-28)There are other passages but the above are enough to illustrate that in scripture both the husband and the wife are capable and praised for providing for the various needs of the family.
2. Providing the spiritual needs of the children:
It has been said it takes a village to raise a child. God however says it takes a husband and a wife who love Him, one another and are committed to raise their children to serve the Lord, to produce Godly offspring
“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.“Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.“But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.“For I hate divorce,” says the LORD (Mal. 2:13-16)God is so concerned about the way a husband and wife treat one another and how it will affect their children that He says he will stand as a witness between the husband and wife and will not hear the prayers of those who deal treacherously with their spouse. God takes the health of the family very seriously and so should we. It is God's love for the family that shows us the importance of raising our children to love and serve him. God feels we need to have both the husband and the wife in this and so should we.
Throughout scripture we see that God desires the whole family to know and serve him and teaching the children was the responsibility of both the husband and the wife. The book of proverbs was almost written entirely by a father to his son. God says in the very beginning of Proverbs in chapter 1 vs 8 "Hear, my son, your father’s instruction And do not forsake your mother’s teaching; Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head And ornaments about your neck. in Eph. 22:6 we read: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
In a day and age that the family is under attack from so many fronts there are many who say a child needs only one parent and does not need both a father and mother. In my life I have been both. I have been a single parent and I have had a wife and children. The simple truth is children do miss out when they do not have both a father and mother and when they do not have both often someone else outside of the family is needed to help fill the gap.
Over the years on several occasions I served as a youth pastor and then as now when we do have the occasion to go on furlough I see many churches that have operated by keeping the various age groups separated. It seams we have lost touch of our Lord's instruction and have done what has seemed right in our own eyes for far too long. As a youth pastor I often would bring the young people and the older folks together. I wanted them to be together to help and learn from one another. In the churches I have served in over the years I have often seen two mind-sets prevalent, the first is that the youth are good to have but troublesome. Regardless of where I served I was often told they were ''my youth'', hence when they did good or bad it was my responsibility. The reality is they were never my youth to begin with. They were their parents youth and they were the youth of the church and also the responsibility of all the congregation. I have also seen another attitude prevalent in the church and it was normally that of the older members. They would often feel they had done their part and were not responsible to do much but attend their age appropriate Sunday school class. Sadly often the youth and elderly were in the same boat, good to have but not much use.
The reality is in the family and in the church we are missing out on a tremendous truth given to us in God's word:
"But you must teach what agrees with sound doctrine. Instruct the older men to be sober, sensible, and self-controlled; to be sound in their faith, love, and endurance. In the same way instruct the older women to behave as women should who live a holy life. They must not be slanderers or slaves to wine. They must teach what is good, in order to train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, and to be good housewives who submit themselves to their husbands, so that no one will speak evil of the message that comes from God. In the same way urge the young men to be self-controlled. In all things you yourself must be an example of good behavior. Be sincere and serious in your teaching. 8 Use sound words that cannot be criticized, so that your enemies may be put to shame by not having anything bad to say about us.In a generation with so many without their father or mother in the home the church should be filling these gaps not dividing up into our own little groups. As fathers and mothers it is important that we take those moments to teach and instruct our children as fathers to sons and as mothers to daughters why we have the opportunity to do so for this is what the Lord intends.
To continue on to Part two please follow this link: http://newdaycm.blogspot.com/2013/04/more-than-just-look-at-marriage-and_19.html
God Bless,
David Ingram
New Day Christian Ministry
Isa. 43:18-21
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