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| David and Heather Ingram Aug. 30th 2003 |
♪♫ ♪ You've lost that loving feeling, oh,
oh, that loving feeling, you've lost that loving feeling and its gone, gone,
gone..... ♪♫
♪
Many a person who claims to be "falling
out of love" will gravitate toward this song like it is some type of profound
truth but is this "loving feeling" being felt or not felt enough to
base a marriage on? Truly, marriage is under attack in this country far greater
than we have ever seen before. Is that really such a bad thing? Well if you
listened to the popular tag lines of our culture you may assume it is
not. I however am not so easily
convinced. I know what it does to you and those you love when a marriage falls
apart and God's instructions for marriage are ignored. With a brief count I can think of at least 6
couples I know who are having a difficult time right now or were very recently,
in trying to figure out what it means to be
engaged, married, to be parents, and I know some now single parents who
are trying to figure out where do they go from here and divorced couples trying to figure out how to bring together two broken homes in an effort to make one that is not.
It can be very rough when pride and unforgiveness keeps you from
seeking the reconciliation you need and God wants for you to have if you would just
be willing to seek it. Sometimes even
when you are completely willing to work things out sadly the other person
simply is too stuck on their path to budge. A lot of the problem comes from our
desire to do things our own way and not the Lord's. It is an incredibly painful
way to do it but as many a person has boasted, "I have to learn things the
hard way". The reality is you really are not being forced to learn things
the hard way by anyone but yourself and sadly some lessons learned come at too steep
of a price to ever fully recover from. Why not save yourself the trouble and
try learning it the easy way, listen to those who have already been where you
are now and have learned the wisdom you now need? As God's word says, "All
praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of
all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go
through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside
someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for
that person just as God was there for us."
All of the couples I thought of earlier
have also claimed the name of Christ and stated they wanted to commit their
lives to one another and to the Lord. They were wise to make such a commitment.
After all it is the Lord that brings the husband and wife together. As God's
word asks," Didn't the LORD make you one with your wife(husband)? In body
and spirit you are his." God indeed
has made us one as a unit, or as Jesus states it, “But at the
beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. ‘For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will
become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
When a man and women are
married it is clear in His word that He is the one who unites you to your spouse.
And what does He want and expect of our
marriages?
We may think of many answer we would
like to hear or feel are the most important:
true happiness, romance, friendship, encouragement, passion, security,
comfort and stability to name but a few.
And indeed in a God honoring home and marriage we would find many if not all of
these present but these are not the reasons God has brought you together and
formed you together as one flesh. The purpose He has given us is that he
desires, "Godly children from your
union." and He admonishes you and I to, " guard your heart; remain
loyal to the wife (husband) of your youth."
God's one solid reason for marriage
and for why He does not want the union He has brought about to be broken is
because he has purposed that we shall raise up for Him Godly children. And He
is pretty serious about it. God hates divorce, He hates what it does to the
couple and He hates what it does to the children. He hates it so much so that
He states the following: "You cover the Lord’s
altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your
offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. You cry out, “Why doesn’t the
Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why!
Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your
wife made when you were young.... For I hate divorce!” says the Lord,
the God of
Israel. “To divorce your wife (husband) is to overwhelm
her(him) with cruelty"
God cares very deeply about the way
we treat one another and how it will also impact those around us. An
unwillingness to forgive others will always get us in trouble with the Lord.
"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your
Father
will not
forgive your
sins."
Your, "feelings" rise and
fall from day to day and moment to moment but they do not dictate what is right
and what is wrong. They do not release you from the spouse the Lord has given
you to and you to them and it does not take away the responsibility the Lord
has given you both to raise your children to honor the Lord, not just in your
words but in your testimonies. The first place this will always be seen by them
is in the home and in the way you treat the spouse the Lord has given you.
Even
when those times come when one spouse leaves, choosing rebellion over God, we are
not given a free pass to do with that freedom whatever we desire. If
we have children, especially when we are raising them on our own or in strained
relationships, our first and highest priority has not changed, we are still to
lead our children to honor the Lord.
So wherever you find yourself now:
whether the one wanting to leave, the one wanting to hold on, the one who has
already left, or the one left behind. It is not too late to make the right
decision in following the Lord's command. If you are leaving, repent and
return; if you are the one holding on, do so with love and not bitterness and resentment.
If your marriage has already ended and the divorce is final and you were the
one who left make sure you get your life right with the Lord, stop focusing on
yourself and reach out to mend the relationships which your selfishness has
injured, and if you were the one who was left be willing to forgive. Do not use
the children as pawns in an ongoing battle with your former spouse. Seek peace
so that you can help your children heal and for you to grow in the Lord. No one
can heal if the wound continues to be ripped open and exposed afresh and if you are the one who is trying to bring two broken homes together to try and make one whole one understand that it will take time patience, love and really seeking the Lord together.
No matter how much you want it to
be, according to God, it is not about you and your "feelings" and it
never will be. It will always be about what you have done and will do with
those He has entrusted to you. He wants you to direct them towards Him, not
just with your words but also by your actions and your attitude. Are you ready?
I hope so because you really need to get start today, in fact, we all do.
If this has been helpful to you or
would be helpful to someone you know please do pass it along.
God Bless,
David Ingram
New Day Christian
Ministry
Isa. 43:18-21
For more please
see:
Mal.2, Mark 10, Matthew 6, Matt 18. 1 Cor. 1 Also you
will find many wonderful resource for family and marriage in our new family
corner: http://www.newdaycm.org/family.html
and we are always available for counsel and prayer.
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